Andy's Weigh-in, February 23: 223 lbs

Don't call it a comeback!

Just when everyone was counting me out, it seems that I am still competitive this month and grumpy ass John is back in full force. To follow up on his explanation for the infrequent posting, it seems as though I just can't find the time to write with all the laying around, drinking beer and watching old reruns of the OC.

So what's my game-winning strategy? I decided to reject the standard liberal hatred of charter schools to check one out in particular that caters to obese children. It's a little weird that all the kids are 20 or more years younger than I am, but it turns out the only thing keeping me obese was people making fun of me because I AM obese. Also, it's amazing how much you can learn if no one is calling you a fat fuck every ten minutes.

Plus, I've been reading The Secret. Apparently you can will yourself into dropping five clothes sizes just by waking up in the morning and saying, "I'm not fat, I'm big boned and beautiful."

I'll be down to size 60 jeans in no time. Too bad John's such a negative nelly, or the diverticulitis could have been the start of something beautiful.