An Apology to Our Fans

Many of you no doubt visited the blog this weekend and were disappointed that there was not a hilarious video starring myself and my big fat sorry excuse for a brother doing something retarded. Do not fret, the stupid has just been delayed.

It's all my brother's fault really, and I'll get to that in a minute. But first, the results from February. Unfortunately, I lost. But again I am saved like the Patriots in a snow storm because of John's fucktardedness in using scales. His original weight had to be adjusted from 264 down to 257 because he's fat AND stupid.

He then lost 7 pounds in January to put him at 250. In February he lost a total of 4 pounds, wieghing in on February 28 at 246 pounds to achieve a total weight loss of 1.6 percent.

I myself started the month off slow, even gaining a few pounds in a set-back, but rallied to go from 226 pounds to 221, losing a total of 5 pounds to achieve a total weight loss of 2.2 percent. If we measure from the initial weight, he wins. If we measure only from the month of February, I win. So we've decided to call this month a draw.

Our journey over the last two months has taught us the best way to measure the competition. First, Uncle Pete reached through the haze left over from 1970's to teach us that we must measure by percentage of body weight lost, or John would always win, given that he is way fatter.

Then, on Friday, Travis Lavin, mybigfatsousa fan and friend, pointed out that we need to start each month with a new baseline. If we started at the original weight, there would be points at which, again because my brother is sooo much fatter, John could actually gain weight and I would still lose.

So here are the rules going forward. We will judge percentage of body weight lost from the initial wiegh-in on the Monday after the competition. I will most likely gorge myself all weekend so the my baseline is a bit higher. That way I will always win.

Now, the other reason we weren't able to record the video. Because we got much complaints about how shitty the first video was, we decided to save up money to have the video produced by a professional.

I found out at the last minute that my brother had spent all of the money on a subscription to Douche-bag Mustache Monthly. He no longer gets to handle financial aspects of our endeavor. And if he doesn't shape up I'm quitting his stupid blog.