John's Weigh-in, March 2: 245 lbs

So, astute readers will remember that in February, among my strategies to kick some ass in this competition was to grow a butch mustache:

¿Quién es mas macho: Juan o su hermanito gordo?

As you can clearly see, I'm way more macho than my fat ass little brother. And he needs to get his facts straight. I didn't spend all of our money on a subscription to Douche Bag Mustache Monthly Magazine. I spent it bribing the judges of the Douche Bag Mustache of the Month Contest.

To make things even worse, I lost to this guy's (note, may be NSFW!) homage to Kurt Vonnegut. I guess it's just a good thing his girlfriend doesn't go to Lonni's Punani for a landing strip or it would have been an homage to Hitler.

But even if I haven't technically "won" the competition with Gordito, I have lost 12 lbs in just under two months of diet and exercise. And I feel fantastic.

And not even my cheating ass brother can take that away.

And I ain't sorry for shit, except for maybe losing to that muff diver.