U.S. Researchers Find Fat Gene

That's right. An amazing new discovery of the gene that turns carbs into fat. Researchers have named the gene DNA-John Sousa, after the most disgusting fat man on Earth. From the article:

The gene, called DNA-John Sousa, appears to regulate the process in the liver that turns carbohydrates into fat, the University of California, Berkeley team reported on Thursday in the journal Cell.

"The DNA-John Sousa disabled mice were leaner and had 40 percent less body fat compared with a control group of normal mice because of their deficiency in turning carbs into fat," Wong said.

You can find the rest of the article here. In other news, I hear that UC Berkeley's engineering department is working on a way to shore up the levee system on that side of the Bay, just in case John ever jumps in again.

As for the gene discovery, it will be awesome when I can take drugs to regulate DNA-John Sousa. Then my strictly pizza diet will no longer be laughed at. I'll make millions. Millions!